Insecurity Doesn’t Pay The Bills

Let me tell you a little secret you may not know.

Everyone you admire is really, really screwed up.

And not just in little ways, either.  I’m talking full out, “Holy carp I pray no one finds out how messed up I am or I’ll be an out of business laughingstock oh hell get me some chocolate now on nom nom nom nom” full-tilt crazy

That “together” persona that you’ve constructed for them (whether imagined by you or engineered by them)?  It’s crap.  Total crap.

I can say this, because all sorts of people think I have it “all together.”  And I’ve coached plenty of people who make more money each month than you’re currently hoping to earn in a year … and believe me, (cue the jazz hands):  “craaaaaay-zeeee.”

They’re not really mentally unbalanced, don’t get me wrong – but they freak out, freeze up and get flaky just like you and I.

Everyone has a horrible, mortifying, unforgiveable hidden flaw (that in reality isn’t all that bad)

It’s typical to believe “successful” people have it together.  We see people who embody the character (or at least the lifestyle) we desire, and we think it’s all so easy for them.  We imagine that they’re perfect, or at least a hell of a lot closer to perfect than we are.

Wow, it must be so choice to be them, we think. We admire.  We envy.  We hope one day we’ll be as perfect as they are.  And all the while we don’t realize they freak out as much as we do.

• You see, before you succeed at something, you freak out because there’s always someone better than you and seriously, how can you compete? You know your shortcomings, and you feel terrible about them.

• And once you get “success,” you’re still looking at people way more “successful” as you are and feeling like somehow, you just haven’t “made it” compared to them.  And that people will find out how you’re really not as good as those others are, and when they find out, you’re going to have to give everyone their money back.

• Or worse – maybe you’re really, really successful … and you have to face the fear that one day it’s all going to go away, when that younger, hipper version of you steals your thunder.

No matter how far along the spectrum of success you are, there’s always fear and insecurity.  Maybe you’re afraid of being “found out” for not being perfect.  Maybe you’re afraid of future competition.  Maybe you’re afraid it’s all been luck so far, and that luck will run out.

Everybody has some secret insecurity they pray no one finds out about, because it would be career ending.  But it’s generally not that bad after all.  We just magnify our own “stuff” while imagining other people are perfect, and it  makes us feel small and scared.

“Successful” people are just as insecure as anyone else – they just learn how to push past it and take action.

One of the perks of coming from a coaching background is that people open up and tell you just how  “screwed up” they are.  (Then you get to tell them that everyone feels that way and not to sweat it.)

Another perk is  get to watch how these people – many of them who are “big names” to my readers – go ahead and take action in spite of their insecurities.  They pull the trigger and run their launch.  They publish that terrifyingly candid post.  They play a bigger game than they had before, though it scares them to do so.

And the interesting fascinating thing is, there’s generally one core mindset that helps them push past the overwhelm of insecurity, and I’ll tell you exactly what that is:

When people focus on the value they provide to others, they take their eyes off their own insecurities.

It’s that simple.  Easy?  Hell no.  There’s a lot of “Oh shit, what if <insert terror du jour>” to move past.  But when they focus on how other people can benefit from their services, they take their focus away from their fear.  And then they can take action.

Focus on the value you can provide, and you can push your fear too.

Now I’m going to tell you my biggest insecurity, and you’re going to tell me yours (if you want to).

For all those people who think I have it all together, I’m just like anybody else.

I freak out and stare at the screen for an hour, wondering who the hell I am to create and sell stuff.

I struggle with flakiness to the nth degree.

I worry that I’ll experience the same self-sabotaging failures again and again.

I cringe at the thought of someone comparing me to someone more effective and experienced and screaming “fraud!”

I bite my nails before I click Publish and wonder “What if they think this post sucks?”

I write sales pages and worry they won’t convert (even though my conversion rate keeps getting better.”

I worry that people will lose interest in me.

I worry that the “big names” won’t give me their support.

I worry that I won’t have enough time, or money, or whatever to create the life I want.

But most of all?  I worry that I’m going to let people down, and they’re going to have purchased something from someone that’s much slicker than my stuff, or that has more features, and they’re going to abandon me – or worse, that the big competitors will swoop in and grab my potential customers before I can.

Yesterday I stared at the screen for a hell of a long time, convinced that I just wasn’t in the same league as some of these other guys and gals who are consistently three rungs up the ladder from where I am, no matter how fast I climb.  I was paralyzed.  Worried.  Feeling down.

And then I said, “Screw this, that’s no way to live.”  And I focused on value.

I shook off the focus on myself and started thinking about people I could help, like the incredible people in my Group Mentorship program.  I thought of people I was already helping, or helped in the past, and that snapped me out of it – eventually.

If you’re stuck, focus on the value you’re providing to others.  It’ll help you bust past your insecurities (though you may have to hammer at yourself for a bit before you give in and accept the fact that you’re really not so screwed up after all).

We’re all a bit crazy.  But insecurity doesn’t pay the bills.  Providing value does.

Now, what I want you to do is tell me your big insecurity, and how you’re going to respond to it.

You don’t have to put your name in that field below – just put “Ass Kicker” and that’ll do if it helps you feel better.  But real quick, why don’t you get your big scary worry out there in print, just get it out – and then take a moment and focus on the value you provide to others.  Then write out what you’re going to say to yourself to snap yourself into a better frame of mind.

I say to myself,  “It doesn’t matter how much better than me anyone else is – I’m good enough can give people the help they desperately need right now.”

What will you say to yourself?  Type it right now, and then hit that Retweet button.

Do it now.  You’ll thank yourself for it.

That is all -

Dave

Original article: www.thelaunchcoach.com